Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
