Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to make a zoo with you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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