if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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