dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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