If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
