roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
