Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
