I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
