the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
