it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize