Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
