The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
