you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
