How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
