Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
