The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have fence marks all over my body
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
