And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
