There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
