Your tits are I can't wait for
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
