Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
