I'm pants shitting drunk right now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
