Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
