I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
