i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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