so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
