Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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