I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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