hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
