We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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