her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
