You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
