woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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