The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
