I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
