This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
