What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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