I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
