Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
