did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
