Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
