all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
