yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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