Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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