Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am puke
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
