do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
