I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
