Small penises have feelings too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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