I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
