I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
