his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize