normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
