I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
