We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
