I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
