Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
soo... how was my night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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