I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
