normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
