what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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