brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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