You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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