The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
