Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
