I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
