Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
