worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i think i have herpe
just one?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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