I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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