We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
