I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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