he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
