My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
